Taming the Tiger
When I think about the gains that I've made with R, a particularly difficult student, I can't help but to think of one of my favorite books: The Life of Pi. In the book, a boy who is shipwrecked and ends up on a lifeboat with a Bengal Tiger, tames the tiger, and asserts his dominance on the boat by using a whistle and linking the noise of the whistle to seasickness, which he induces in the tiger by rocking the boat. After several episodes of this, the tiger comes to associate the whistle to feeling nauseous and the boy has created a system where both he and the tiger can coexist, but where he is calling the shots.
R is 6 years old and has had some pretty traumatic things happen in his life- including having his baby cousin pass away. According to R, his uncle muffled the babies cries, because they were too loud: "The baby was crying and it was too loud, so my uncle put a pillow over the baby and he went to God." According to the report given by the family, it was SIDS. The story has clearly marked R very deeply, because he tells it frequently as if it had just happened. R has also been moved back and forth from home to foster home to grandma's house, and back to mom's house.
When he came to my classroom, he cussed frequently (It was not unusual for him to tell me to "fuck off" and to call me a "fucking whore"), he left class frequently, he refused to sit and work and instead would roll around the classroom floor. He often threatened other children and hit them, turned over desks and chairs, farted and burped loudly, and constantly picked his nose, pulling out and eating the contents, to everyone's disgust. His mom does not have things together in general and seems overwhelmed by her life- having a child with special needs on top of 3 other children and managing a job is understandably overwhelming. When we tried to make doctors' appointments for R, because of a rare genetic condition that we think he may have (Prader-Willi Syndrome), we had to corner her at school and make the appointment with her only to have her take him and leave because the waiting room at the doctors' was too crowded. Months after the school's initial attempts to get her to take him, she has finally done so last week (we think).
I have to admit that I was pretty overwhelmed myself by R- especially since he was not the only child in my class with more extreme behaviors. In the recent weeks, however, his behavior has drastically improved. Part of it is his increased sense of comfort and safety in my classroom, no doubt. I also think that his continued academic progress has increased his self esteem.
One thing that has had a surprisingly strong impact, however, is the strategy that I learned from observing Ms. H, our guidance counselor. Ms. H is a parent- a very firm parent who possesses the balance of love and intolerance for nonsense that children thrive on. When I called her into my classroom a few weeks ago, R had started walking around the room repeating "I'm not doing my work" and calling various people "stupid." Ms. H came to him, cornered him by the board where he was walking around and firmly repeated various phrases: "You will not call anyone stupid here" "You are not the boss here." To each of these phrases, R retorted contrary responses: "You're stupid!" "Yes I am the boss." Ms. H kept at it, standing so that her face was an inch away from his, repeating the same phrases in a steady tone. R. began to yell his responses. He began to cry, to sob. He threw himself down and yelled: "Leave me alone! Stupid! Stupid!" Still, Ms. H. continued, saying she was not going to let him leave until he agreed to do his work, agreed that he was not the boss in the room, and stopped calling people "stupid." After about 15 minutes, R agreed, got up, and went to sit in his seat. Ms. H got him a tissue to wipe his nose and eyes and set him up to finish his work.
For the rest of the day, R completed all of his work and followed teacher instructions. He had a relapse into his usual behavior and I took on the role that Ms. H had taken before. After a lot of repetition and firmness, R complied with my demands: that he finish his reading journal (which took him 5 minutes to complete). We've had similar episodes over the last few weeks, some where Ms. H has intervened and some where I have taken on the dominant role, the repeated demands my whistle. First I was amazed that this strategy was working and then I realized that it is giving R the exact structure that he is lacking and craves. He wants someone to tell him what to do and to keep him safe. My struggles with R's behavior are by no means over, but he is much more manageable and my classroom is getting closer to the way that I like it.
R is 6 years old and has had some pretty traumatic things happen in his life- including having his baby cousin pass away. According to R, his uncle muffled the babies cries, because they were too loud: "The baby was crying and it was too loud, so my uncle put a pillow over the baby and he went to God." According to the report given by the family, it was SIDS. The story has clearly marked R very deeply, because he tells it frequently as if it had just happened. R has also been moved back and forth from home to foster home to grandma's house, and back to mom's house.
When he came to my classroom, he cussed frequently (It was not unusual for him to tell me to "fuck off" and to call me a "fucking whore"), he left class frequently, he refused to sit and work and instead would roll around the classroom floor. He often threatened other children and hit them, turned over desks and chairs, farted and burped loudly, and constantly picked his nose, pulling out and eating the contents, to everyone's disgust. His mom does not have things together in general and seems overwhelmed by her life- having a child with special needs on top of 3 other children and managing a job is understandably overwhelming. When we tried to make doctors' appointments for R, because of a rare genetic condition that we think he may have (Prader-Willi Syndrome), we had to corner her at school and make the appointment with her only to have her take him and leave because the waiting room at the doctors' was too crowded. Months after the school's initial attempts to get her to take him, she has finally done so last week (we think).
I have to admit that I was pretty overwhelmed myself by R- especially since he was not the only child in my class with more extreme behaviors. In the recent weeks, however, his behavior has drastically improved. Part of it is his increased sense of comfort and safety in my classroom, no doubt. I also think that his continued academic progress has increased his self esteem.
One thing that has had a surprisingly strong impact, however, is the strategy that I learned from observing Ms. H, our guidance counselor. Ms. H is a parent- a very firm parent who possesses the balance of love and intolerance for nonsense that children thrive on. When I called her into my classroom a few weeks ago, R had started walking around the room repeating "I'm not doing my work" and calling various people "stupid." Ms. H came to him, cornered him by the board where he was walking around and firmly repeated various phrases: "You will not call anyone stupid here" "You are not the boss here." To each of these phrases, R retorted contrary responses: "You're stupid!" "Yes I am the boss." Ms. H kept at it, standing so that her face was an inch away from his, repeating the same phrases in a steady tone. R. began to yell his responses. He began to cry, to sob. He threw himself down and yelled: "Leave me alone! Stupid! Stupid!" Still, Ms. H. continued, saying she was not going to let him leave until he agreed to do his work, agreed that he was not the boss in the room, and stopped calling people "stupid." After about 15 minutes, R agreed, got up, and went to sit in his seat. Ms. H got him a tissue to wipe his nose and eyes and set him up to finish his work.
For the rest of the day, R completed all of his work and followed teacher instructions. He had a relapse into his usual behavior and I took on the role that Ms. H had taken before. After a lot of repetition and firmness, R complied with my demands: that he finish his reading journal (which took him 5 minutes to complete). We've had similar episodes over the last few weeks, some where Ms. H has intervened and some where I have taken on the dominant role, the repeated demands my whistle. First I was amazed that this strategy was working and then I realized that it is giving R the exact structure that he is lacking and craves. He wants someone to tell him what to do and to keep him safe. My struggles with R's behavior are by no means over, but he is much more manageable and my classroom is getting closer to the way that I like it.
posted by Ms. V @ 2:22 PM
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