It's been a while since I've written in this blog. For the most part, this year has gone a lot more smoothly than last year and it has made a world of difference in my life. The most important change has been the students in my classroom. Last year, I had several students who were (in my opinion) misplaced in my mild/moderate speech and language class. They had intense emotional issues, were very violent, and posed a constant threat to their safety as well as the other students' safety in the classroom. The year was spent teaching while trying to manage their constant outbursts and disruptions. I often finished the day feeling exhausted and upset. The year made me lose a lot of faith in the system and its ability to provide students with an appropriate placement, while at the same time ensuring that other students' right to a safe educational environment is protected.

The fact that my classroom was so tumultuous affected me personally. It was often impossible to separate my home life from work life. I felt a strong need to communicate my frustrations and the daily insane episodes in my classroom to friends, but found that talking about them made me more upset and that nothing was resolved. The summer effectively dulled the corners of my memories from the year and allowed me to begin again this year.

Like I said, the main difference this year is my students. They are (for the most part) sweet, kind, and interesting. I am excited by their small successes, both socially and academically. I admire many of them as people, who in spite of being young, have already overcome so many obstacles. I glow when I see them running around as a unified pack on the courtyard, protecting each other like brothers and sisters, and also when I see them fearlessly playing with the general ed kids.

Some stresses are still definitely there- the micro-managing administrators, the bully and negligent parents, and the extended school day, but the fact that my classroom is peaceful makes it bearable.What scares me most about teaching, is that a whole year can be driven and shaped by one or two students and how intensely it can affect me as a person. This makes me question whether or not I can continue teaching in the long term, at least in this school.

Coming into the new semester however, I hope that I can continue to enjoy the serenity that comes in the absence of thrown desks, chairs, and wild tantrums. This is my toast to the new year.